Couples Therapy

Marriage dynamics changed for Michelle and Jason.

Michelle (25) and Jason (27) have been married for six years and have two children (3 and 6). Michelle grew up in a highly religious family that considered her the black sheep after getting pregnant in her senior year of high school.

She met Jason three months after getting kicked out of the house by her parents, and they quickly got married because Jason was in the Navy and scheduled to deploy in six weeks. Because of his specialty in the Navy, Jason deployed over 50 percent of the time they were married.

Currently, Michelle is in her second year of a nursing program. After eight years, Jason is separating from the Navy to spend more time at home and go to college.

Since Jason filed his separation papers from the Navy, Michelle and Jason have been arguing about responsibilities. Who is going to take care of the kids while they are both going to school? What are they going to do about money?

The fact is that Jason and Michelle lived separate lives over the last four years because of Jason’s deployments. The struggle to adjust to having Jason home and not feeling like he appreciates how hard it is for her to have two children take their toll on Michelle.

Then came the showdown between Michelle and Jason.

Last week, there was an enormous blow-up because Jason went out with friends to a bar, and Michelle had to leave class early to pick up the kids from Jason’s mother’s house.

When Jason came home, the situation exploded with Jason and Michelle yelling at each other. Michelle screamed Jason was inconsiderate and didn’t appreciate how she had to take care of the kids and the house during his deployment.

Michelle could not believe that Jason would choose to go out and drink instead of taking care of his children. Jason yelled back that only one child was his and that she was a slut who got pregnant in high school. Michelle ran from the room, screaming that she hated Jason and did not want him to be around if he thought she was a slut.

The next morning, Jason approached Michelle and asked her if she was willing to get some help as a couple. Michelle agreed to go to couples counseling to resolve their problems.

What is Couples Therapy or Marriage Counseling?

Couples therapy (sometimes referred to as marriage counseling) is for partners in a relationship, married or not. The goal of couples therapy is to improve the relationship.

This type of therapy helps couples decide whether they should continue to stay together. Although couples therapy focuses on the couple, sometimes one or both parties’ psychological issues need addressing.

Therapy often includes sessions designed to improve problem-solving, build communication skills, and identify life goals and relationship responsibilities. Other common issues are infidelity, financial problems, illness, and other life changes – as well as anger.

What should you expect with couples therapy?

Feeling Anxious and Uncomfortable – It’s normal to feel anxious when going into your first session. Therapy is a very vulnerable place, and not everyone feels comfortable opening up immediately. When you go into therapy with your partner, you two are working together against the problem, not working against each other.

Raw Emotions – Because therapy is a safe place for you to express yourself, remember that some very raw emotions might come out. Don’t let the emotions scare you off. Come ready to open yourself up to your partner and let them inside how you feel. Couples therapy helps you and your partner build a new level of intimacy toward each other.

You Choose Your Goals – The goal of marriage counseling isn’t always to “save the marriage.” You determine the purpose. Sometimes the goal is to figure out how to communicate better, create more intimacy in the marriage, or learn to grieve together. Marriage counseling is not an indicator that your marriage is on the brink of disaster. You either determine your goals before going into therapy or outline them with the counselor together as a team.

You Will Have Homework – Yes, that’s right, you will have homework, even after your first session. Marriage counseling is for people who are serious and ready to put in the work. If you’re not prepared to do the homework, then there’s no point in coming to counseling. Homework is a team effort, and you and your partner are in this group project together!

Don’t take your relationship for granted.

Couples therapy fosters communication and cooperation as each person in the relationship explores things that keep them apart rather than together.

Be like Michelle and Jason. Seek counseling.

Let me be the objective counselor who helps create an avenue of honest communication and teaches skills that enhance your relationship.

Call Remuda Ranch Counseling at (210) 756-6694 for a free 20-minute consultation.